El Mañana
by JasoTheArtisan
Summary: Matsumoto Rangiku hates him when he leaves. But she hates him more when he comes back.


_**El Ma**__**ñ**__**ana**_

"Hey, Ran."

"Hey, yourself."

It felt so long since I'd seen you last, Gin. After all these years, one would assume that I could have learned to ignore that tickling feeling of your absence in the back of my throat. Despite the countless times that you'd run away from me, the myriad of unannounced vanishings, I would still always wait sorrowfully for your return. I could even joke with myself that I knew the look of your ass better than I knew the look of your smile. It was certainly true that the back of your head was more familiar to me than your garnet irises.

I'm so foolish.

But in spite of the jokes and the silent self-reassurances, every time you left would dip me in unimaginable pain. You would vanish and the fistula you would leave in my heart would only be filled with that all-too-familiar feeling of loneliness. I could hardly eat when you weren't around; I knew that the food would only taste sour upon my tongue and twist painfully as it hit the black-hole in my belly.

But you would always return. No matter how long you remained away, you'd never failed to step back into my life. So it remains an enigma: why do I still get sad when you leave me?

Am I worried about you? Of course I am. I love you so much; it would be strange for me to simply assume you'll survive whatever foolish task you've assigned yourself to.

Am I worried about us? Perhaps. Even though there hasn't been an "us" in ages, a little bit of my heart remains in the palm of your hand. But every time you disappear, I can feel as more of that small bit of my love slides through your fingers.

I wonder if I'll ever find the courage in myself to accept the urges to dismiss you completely. You've only shown time and time again that you don't care about me. I hope that the next time you vanish, you stay away. I hope that I'll find some strength to stand against the crashing wake of your absence.

I'm so foolish.

"Ya look like you've been eating less." To anyone else, the tone of your voice would still match the smile on your face. But I know better. I can hear that small cry of concern hidden deep within your mocking accent. "Were ya _that _worried about me?

"Of course not, stupid." I can feel a slow tear running down my face, in spite of my happy chuckle.

"I missed you, Ran." We step closer to each other, slowly closing the distance between us as we made our thousandth reunion. Your omnipresent smile leaps off of your face and surrounds me, making my head spin slightly at the sight of it. Even when we were children, your grin could make me swoon; the feeling had only intensified as I became a woman and fell victim to your seductive hypnoses.

"Then why do you always leave me, Gin-pig?" The patch of grass that stretches from my feet to yours is growing dangerously thin as we come closer to each other. As I struggle to resist the urge to fling myself into your arms, I also fight the urge to run away. I know what's going to happen when we finally meet; like every time before this, my hands will move on their own and we'll touch and I'll end up painfully alone.

"Ya know I don't like to." Your face is now less than a foot from mine; the color of the sunset is reflecting beautifully off your silver hair.

"So stop doing it." You reach out and take my shoulders in your firm hands; I almost lose myself, my resolve to remain strong. There are more tears running down my face as I look into your sweet grin. I can feel the warm streaks they leave against my cheeks. Your smile fades and your ruby-colored eyes open as you reach out and sweetly wipe one of the offending droplets away. I bite my lip as I look into your sincere features.

"You know I can't stop, Rangiku."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't."

"Not even for me?"

"Not even for you."

Your words cut deeply into me as they fall from your mouth. I can feel as my heart splinters into pieces within my chest. Despite it all, I guess I was hoping that you would finally decide to walk away with me. That maybe, after all this time, you'd finally want to be mine.

I'm so foolish.

Your hands drop from my shoulders and fall down to your sides and your grin re-adorns your mouth. You close your eyes once more, your cheerful mask once more returning, your defining feature spreading itself across your face.

"Goodbye, Ran."

You don't even flinch as I run my blade through your heart. You don't even try to defend yourself. I pull _Haineko_ out from your chest and watch you fall limply to the ground, disbelief and pain and sorrow threatening to crush my body down into the ground. I silently curse at myself as the tearsstrengthen their run down my face, the salty drops falling in time with the blood dripping from my zanpakuto. I know I should thank you for giving up, for not trying to fight against me. But I don't; I know that it was ultimately a selfish gesture. In your mind, allowing me to kill you would have been better than being executed by Seireitei.

But it still hurts to realize that you've managed to leave me once again. It still hurts to know that this time, you won't ever come back.

Yet as I walk away, your dead body lying face down in the bloodstained grass, I can't help but smile; in the end, it is my back that is finally turned towards you.

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_**el ma**__**ñ**__**ana - gorillaz**_


End file.
